One Year Later

Today has been a full day. Mom & Dad were in town for a few hours yesterday and today so we did our Sunday things. Dad had appointments and a swap meet in Sacramento; Mom and I had coffee, breakfast and then picked up flowers.

We returned to the cemetery, one year after losing my dear Grandma.

After visiting with Grandpa, making arrangements for my upcoming vacation and doing the great stuff swap, Mom & Dad headed home. I, a master in avoidance, decided it was a great time to organize all the papers, photos and stuff in my office.

I’ve unearthed a lot in the last few hours while I listened to music from my iTunes library. But in short order I found the pamphlet I made for the funeral, a fiction piece I’d been writing last year, a picture of me in Grandma’s house and then YellowCard started playing.

And it all came back. Watching her suffer, waiting for days, wondering if she was in pain, wishing I could have done more. And then the Saturday morning, waking up on the couch at home, my Dad telling me what I already knew. She was gone.

I’m not a big fan of listing lyrics but this is a song Katie sent me last year and it says all the things I can’t voice.

View from Heaven by YellowCard (emphasis mine)

I’m just so tired
Won’t you sing me to sleep
And fly through my dreams
So I can hitch a ride with you tonight
And get away from this place
Have a new name and face
I just ain’t the same without you in my life

Late night drives, all alone in my car
I can’t help but start
Singing lines from all our favorite songs
And melodies in the air
Singin’ life just ain’t fair
Sometimes I still just can’t believe you’re gone

And I’m sure the view from heaven
Beats the hell out of mine here

And if we all believe in heaven,
Maybe we’ll make it through one more year
Down here

Feel your fire,
When its cold in my heart
And things sorta start
Remindin’ me of my last night with you
I only need one more day
Just one more chance to say
I wish that I had gone up with you too

And I’m sure the view from heaven
Beats the hell out of mine here
And if we all believe in heaven
Maybe we’ll make it through one more year
Down here
You won’t be comin’ back
And I didn’t get to say goodbye (goodbye)
I really wish I got to say goodbye

And I’m sure the view from heaven
Beats the hell out of mine here
And if we all believe in heaven
Maybe we’ll make it through one more year
I hope that all is well in heaven (well in heaven)
Cuz it’s all shot to hell down here (we need you)
I hope that I find you in heaven
Cuz I’m so…
Lost without you down here

You won’t be coming back
And I didn’t get to say goodbye (goodbye)
I really wish I got to say gooooodbye

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2 thoughts on “One Year Later

  1. Dear Kelly, I am so sorry for your loss. My Grandma was the relative to whom I was closest, and losing her was awful. May God hold you in the palm of His hand.
    Trece

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