My friends are idiots.

No, not you. You’re awesome and read my blog so you are decidedly non-idiotic.

But many of the “friends” from ages past that I have connected with on Facebook are indeed idiots.

Let’s look at the evidence – please note these are actual status updates:

We’ve resorted to searching the Yellow Pages and calling random businesses looking for work, and it may be beneficial! Keeping our fingers crossed!

(Riiight, because using the Yellow Pages is clearly the most efficient use of your time and energy. My last interview was at a great place, type 10 font, they had prime placement on the top right page…)

Need a job, need a job, need a job….God, are you listening???

(WOAH! I didn’t realize God had a job placement service! I bet you’d get great health benefits too, you know… healer and all… Anywho, how was the interview with God? Did he give you that look when you said you had great attendance and never play games on Facebook during work hours? ‘Cause I think it would be hard to fool an omniscent employer.)

I keep forgetting to brush my teeth in the mornings…. seriously has never happened before, it is weird (and way gross).

(Oh former college friend, just yesterday I was wondering about your brushing and flossing habits and here you are to inform me! Please let me know if you forget to wear deodrant!)

Okay, that’s enough evidence I think.  Jeeze, how bad is it that I want to pretend I had a seizure and massive personality shift along with long term memory loss that led me to deleting 75% of the “friends” that find it necessary to update me on their every movement, meal and personal life failure?

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