Not all fun and games

I suppose I’ll post this if only because blogs that are happy all the time don’t ring true to me.

Today is a bad day, the culmination of all the frustrations in my life over the past year.

Twelve days ago I picked up some flowers and a slice of cake to celebrate my grandma’s 79th birthday.  She has advanced Alzheimer’s disease but we ate the chocolate and chatted, she giggled like a school girl and had the peace of genuine happiness about her.  I found myself hoping the later years of my life would be suppounded by such peace and love.

Today I was in the same grocery store picking up the same cake for myself, refusing to give into the self-pity of being alone. That didn’t really work.  I couldn’t sing to myself or even blow out my candles and the cake, along with my Kahlua, is untouched.

I woke up alone, I worked alone, I ate lunch alone, went to the bookstore alone and had dinner alone.  I will go to bed alone tonight.  In the past I’ve felt a certain pride in being independent, taking care of myself and mine.  But on days like today I wish there were someone else here for me.

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11 thoughts on “Not all fun and games

  1. SS – We’re all here for you hon, even if we’re not near in locale. Sorry you felt down on this special day – yes, it is a VERY SPECIAL DAY. Know that you’re a very caring, important, fabulous person and we at WIR CS appreciate all you bring to our lives. hugs – beej

  2. You know, my birthday this year was very similar. I know how you feel, my friend. It’s tough when all your friends and people that care about you are far away. But as Barb said, we ARE out here. And we would have been with you yesterday if we could have.

    *hugs*

  3. SS — So sorry today was not a good day for you. I know how you feel though. You’ve been so busy taking care of others, that you don’t have time to meet others. Remember the 3 R’s — release, relate, relax. In time, someone one will be there to bless you with the same spirit that you give.
    Hugs to you!!!!! sapphire

  4. Aw babe, I’m so sorry. I wish I was closer because I would totally have gone out on the town with you!!! You are not alone!!

    And I’ve had shitty birthdays too, so you have my sympathies. They suck. Two years ago I had to go to a funeral. And the widow actually apologized for my crappy birthday. Which was sweet. But I found it somewhat hilarious…

    Here’s to a better day!! 🙂

  5. I think we’ve all had days like that. Know that we were all with you in our hearts. I should have asked for your address last week. I didn’t think to put a card in the mail. Next year, we’ll be celebrating our bdays together in VEGAS!!!!

  6. Oh Kelly, I am so sorry that you had a lonely birthday. I too wish I was closer as I would have happily taken you out to celebrate.
    AJ is right- next year we will all be there to celebrate your birthday in Vegas!
    Wishing there was something I could do to make you smile and have a better day today.

  7. Happy Birthday Kelly!
    Know that you are loved and cared about. Last year I spent my birthday at my mother in law’s funeral and burial; sometimes birthday just suck.

  8. I’m sorry your b-day was sucky. It’s never fun to spend special days alone. I too have had my fair share of aloneness. Being independent can be over rated at times like these. Just know that we are here to listen, love, and laugh with you. –sdaklh

  9. Happy belated birthday Kelly! Mine was at the beginning of the month, but it got swallowed with my beloved Grandad’s death, house stress and concert stress. As a result, I think we went for pizza but it was totally unmemorable.

    The solution? Find another day, make it just for you. See your grandmother again, spend the time with her, and tell yourself this is your birthday party. With someone who loves you. *hug*

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